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Before the child is born

May 7, 2009

I couldn’t wait to have children, but nature wasn’t very cooperative and so it took awhile the first time, and a minor surgery the second time. Smooth sailing with the first delivery, pretty rough w/ a preemie the next one. The hospital couldn’t locate the doctor, the nurse from hell eventually gave me Demerol, which was supposed to take the “edge off” my contractions. Didn’t work. After 12 hours, a beautiful but blue son pushed his way into the world. “Don’t worry about the blue, it’s just cold in here.” Taken into a semi-private room where I slept for a few minutes, I was awakened by the nurse from hell’s mother, who was angry. It appeared that the blueness was from tiny and not ready to work lungs. I remember crying and shaking as I signed the release forms for him to be taken by ambulance to the nearest NICU…almost an hour away. What followed was a nightmare. A nightmare that I was forced to watch from a distance for 2 days.

In the NICU he was the biggest baby. : )  There were twins who weighed less than 1 pound each, who didn’t survive, there was another who was born with his intestines outside his body – who did survive. “This isn’t happening” I kept telling myself. My oldest son wasn’t yet 4, but he was the best at handling the situation. He loved his little brother from the start. He would place his hand on my ever-growing belly, and when little bro kicked, big bro giggled. And when his eventual best friend was born, he was a trouper at the hospital and at home…always very aware and sensitive to situations around him. The years have been filled with happy times, sad times, laughter, tears. But without a doubt, there is no love greater than the love I have for my sons. I remember the long ago yesterdays vividly, and want to wrap myself tightly in those memories and never come out.

I miss you, Mom. I hope that the times I feel you near me, you really are.

Before the child is born

A mother’s love begins
Before the child is born
And lasts through time
And difficulties
And differences
And many wounds
And days of joy
And days of sorrow
Winding, wearing
Weeping, sharing
Changing
Until, at the end
What remains
Is that solid core
That began as love
Before the child was born.

~Ruth Greer

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